MOM JEANS: a Love Story

I searched my iPhoto for photos of me wearing jeans, and I found out that I subconsciously avoid being photographed while wearing slacks of any sort. Skirts and dresses are my thang. This makes me a little sad, because I totally rock a nice pair of Mom Jeans. Why hasn’t this been documented (see above, for recent documentation)? WHY HAVE I BEEN HIDING MY FABULOUS MOM JEANS?

I have six pairs of Mom Jeans, straight from my mother’s closet. These are the real deals: blue Wranglers, two pairs of fabulous black Bonjours (an 80s Walmart brand), a lovely khaki number, and a pair of blue Bonjours that I regrettably left in Montreal over the summer. They fit me really well–I’m missing them right now.

I’ve been wearing Mom Jeans since 2007, as evidenced on the left by one of the few photographs I found that show

me in slacks. Oh, to be fifteen and adorkably brace-faced again. It looks like I was attempting to rock a Marty McFly puffy vest about two decades too late; that’s probably something from my mother’s closet too.

To the right is the look I’ve been trying to force myself into for far too long: the skinny jean silhouette. These hips don’t lie; neither do these thighs, or this torso. It’s time to toss the skinny jeans. The waists of pants made right now are really, really awkward; sitting down is uncomfortable because the front is too tight and the back gapes, and there isn’t enough fabric on the rear to meet the edge of my shirts at the back (which no clothing manufacturer makes long enough). And the legs are too slim-fitting! I’ve got thighs of steel, but they sure don’t look muscled when they’re squeezed into tight skinny jeans. And don’t get me started on the faux high-waisted jeans that the hip Urban Outfitters and Forever 21s are trying to peddle; they don’t even reach my bellybutton, and they’re still sausage casings around my legs!

End the madness! Real Mom Jeans should be loose bootcut fit, forgivingly skimming your hips and giving your legs room to sit down. Real Mom Jeans should button at the natural waist, right above the bellybutton; no gaping at the back! No unsightly muffin top from unflattering fit of modern jeans! You’ll have legs for miles! Your short torso (or long torso, if you should be so lucky) will be ultra-defined. Look like a million bucks, just like your mom does in all those groovy photos in the family albums!

Get yours for 2 dollars at your local thrift shop today. Or raid your mother’s closet.

Nostalgia Mondays: Printed Dresses

I WAS DOING FLOWER CROWNS BEFORE THEY WERE COACHELLA-ED.

Spring is in the silky warm breeze this week, and I’m ready to cast off my Mom-jeans and slip into some spring dresses. Spring dresses are necessarily printed–most often with flowers! I really only have one printed dress (okay, so I just bought another today in a roomie shopping trip, but that’s another blog post), but it’s in my closet at my parent’s house, so I can’t whip it out to wear in the glorious weather that I feel is

almost upon us here in Montreal. As I’m trying to decide on whether I should eschew a coat tomorrow in anticipation, I’m gonna roll on back through my memories to any and all printed dresses I had in my childhood that I still covet.I can really only think of two: the flowered number up at the top there, and this groovy blue dress covered in a fruit pattern. I wore the heck out of that blue dress; if I had a grown-up version today I’d wear it constantly. The flowered dress was my “good” dress, for school picture day, or for going out for dinner, or for visiting somewhere; it’s hard to see in the picture, but it had a row of buttons down the front and a full skirt. If I had it today, I’d wear the heck out of it too.

Ooooh. Time to vanish down an internet rabbit hole in search for replacements!

In a sort of cross between the two of them, here’s a shirt dress from Topshop.

Dress from Topshop.

And here we have something collarless, but in the same vein as the “good” Sunday dress that I used to have:

Dress also from Topshop.

And finally, this is as good as it’s gonna get:

Dress by Betsey Johnson, but I can’t find a homepage, only a Google Image.

None are quite right. Maybe I could get a loose knit polo dress and stamp it to make a print, for the blue one? And maybe just find some nice flower-printed cotton and sew myself up something nice for the other one?

I leave you with a lovely pair of Pooh-Bear pyjamas:

Fierce! Work it gurl. Scrunchie-time.