“Draw me like one of your French girls,” I said to no one, ever.
I am apathetic about Valentine’s Day; I recognize that it’s a consumerist bonanza of cheap chocolates and overpriced roses and greeting cards, and that by participating in it I am contributing to and accepting of the binaries of gendered behaviour (try saying that five times fast). I also recognize that going out with your sweetie in a shower of hearts and glitter can be glamorous and romantic for some people. Aside from elementary school, where Valentines and candy were distributed in an egalitarian fashion, I have never been in a position to fully participate in the holiday, so I consider the day solely as an outside observer. As an outside observer, I say that I want no part in this madness, no, stay away from me with those roses, no, I don’t want your candy hearts, and dammit we’re splitting the bill at dinner. There, I’ve just struck Romance dead.
Chocolate is about to go on Super Sale at the grocery store, and that’s largely what I am looking forward to.
I don’t despise the holiday though. I am uncomfortable with the emphasis it places on proving the strength of your relationship with gifted physical objects, and on the expectations it places on each person to behave in a certain (super-duper-over-the-top romantic) way. I am not the enemy of Love and Romance and candy hearts. Far from it: all the schmaltzy romance in the air makes a chick-flick-watching night inevitable.
For someone who remains unimpressed with schmaltzy romance, I am enamoured entirely with chick flicks. I find a lot of them to be problematic (hey, just like Valentine’s Day), but there’s so much goodness and entertainment in a lot of them (akin to the Super Sale chocolate I will indulge in later this week) that I work past the awkward bits and try to see the best in them (kind of like a healthy relationship, I imagine).
The romantic comedy genre has been unfairly deemed as inferior and empty-headed; this is ridiculous. Even if a film doesn’t pass the Bechdel Test, there are still a lot of strong characters and worthwhile plots–even if the point of any one movie is to set everyone in it up with a marriage. Relationships are important to most people. Close friendships are important to most people. Family interactions are important to most people. Making movies about what people experience should not be considered ‘stupid’ or ‘insulting to the collective intelligence of the world’ (I’ve heard of chick flicks being described as both, and worse).
Besides, some movies labelled as chick flicks don’t really focus on the central relationship at all; they are misaligned merely for being about women. That’s a larger societal problem that is too large to discuss in this post.
This Valentine’s Day, I shall be getting chip-faced on a bag of Ruffles All-Dressed with Sarastotle (she doesn’t get to see her long-distance boyfriend until later in the week) in the comfort of our apartment, and we will watch something perfectly lovely. Here are some of my favourites:
6. Crossing Delancey by Joan Micklin Silver
He’s a pickle salesman!
What is it: Isabelle, a young Jewish woman in New York agrees to let her grandmother and a matchmaker set her up…until she finds out her date is a pickle salesman, Sam. Sarastotle just asked me, “There are pickle salesmen?” Yes, and your grandmother wants you to date one.
Bechdel Test: Nope. The whole plot and side-plot are about relationships.
Why you should watch it anyway: It showcases close female friendships between women of the same age, and between generations; platonic male-female friendships are also treated as no big deal. Isabelle also figures out what she values most in people, extending her appreciation and respect of her friends and family to her significant other.
5. North & South BBC miniseries by Brian Percival
BTW, he’s the main sexy dwarf in The Hobbit.
What is it: Margaret, a young woman from the south of England, moves to the industrial north with her family.
Bechdel Test: Yes!
Why you should watch it: I watched this entire mini-series all in one go; I stayed up until four in the morning. It’s beautifully filmed, the costumes are lovely, and the acting superb. Margaret is strong, independent, and smart; she also screws up all her relationships and has to deal with the loss of her reputation. And for once, her one true love is actually worth it; he’s no moody Heathcliff or caddish Mr. Rochester. He’s pretty much her equal in flaws and virtues, and he’s also super attractive.
4. Leap Year by Anand Tucker
He’s actually an English actor, not Irish. Movies do that a lot.
What is this: “Anna from Boston wants her boyf to put a ring on it,” says Sarastotle. Anna’s boyf doesn’t, and goes to a cardiologist convention in Dublin. She follows in order to propose to him, because apparently that’s what Irish people do on Leap Day (ummm no, they don’t). Meets hot Irishman who promises to give her a lift to Dublin. Shenanigans = love.
Bechdel Test: Nope.
Why you should watch it anyway: There is so much wrong with this movie. Wildly inaccurate Irish stereotypes, a prickly protagonist, a callous and uncouth love interest, and a ridiculous premise make it hard to handle if you watch it critically. That’s why I don’t. It’s super cheesy road trip romance, starring a string of beautiful landscapes. He’s kinda funny too. What’s not to love?
3. American Dreamer by Rick Rosenthal
I want alllllll her costumes.
What is it: An ordinary housewife wins a mystery writing contest, jetting off solo to Paris when her awful husband refuses to go with her. While there, she hits her head, gets amnesia, and thinks she is the heroine of the mystery series she loves. She meets the son of the author of the series, and thinks he’s her sidekick. Shenanigans = love.
Bechdel Test: Yes!
Why you should watch it: It’s glorious. 80s haute couture fashions, car chases, implausible scenarios, and a true mystery at the end to wrap it up! She and her sidekick work as a sort of team, with the ordinary-housewife-turned-sleuth very firmly in charge. She’s resourceful, bold, fabulous, and confident, and he’s a perfectly lovely man who gets caught up in an adventure.
2. Moonstruck by Norman Jewison
CHER. ALL HAIL CHER.
What is it: A dysfunctional Italian family is upended when the daughter, Loretta, has an affair with her absent fiancé’s really weird brother.
Bechdel Test: Yes, I think. There’s a whole bunch of women in it at least.
Why you should watch it: There’s opera; there’s Cher; there’s Nicholas Cage as the love interest (I KID YOU NOT); there’s incredibly dark humour; and there’s Cher. Did I mention that Cher stars in it? The film revolves mainly around the fact that everyone is having an affair, and that all married couples are unmatched. Nobody learns anything about each other, but they do all learn something about themselves.
1. You’ve Got Mail by Nora Ephron
They’re almost like normal people!
What is it: As the two protagonists do not actually know each other for most of the movie, this really isn’t a romcom. It’s a comedy about business monopolies and their effect on small business owners.
Bechdel Test: Yes!
Why you should watch it: Everyone is weird and normal without being annoying, even when they are being less than charming to one another. The soundtrack is great. It’s a very smart movie; people talk like normal people (if normal people were always funny), and the jokes rely a lot on wordplay and situational comedy. The action also centres around a gorgeous bookstore.
Bonus:
- Letters to Juliet by Gary Winick
This is total trash, but watch it for Vanessa Redgrave. She steals the show.
- 10 Things I Hate About You
Because I’m a sucker for teen comedies.
- Miss Congeniality
Because I walk like a man too. Also: Michael Caine.
Players of Prince Arthur 